


Violent Delights, Violent Ends

by 1000UndiscoveredStars



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 00:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000UndiscoveredStars/pseuds/1000UndiscoveredStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 6 months since the Cullens left Forks and now Alice receives a package in the mail. It contains the book New Moon. As they read, the Cullens will realize just how bad the consequences of their actions are. Then, when they reach the end, will they make the right choice or will Edward stand by his decision? Read and find out. Bella/Edward eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

Violent Delights, Violent Ends

Alice

It’s been just over six months since we left. Since we left Forks. Since we left our home. Since we left my sister. Since we left Bella. I miss her so much. I honestly don’t know how we ever got along without her before, because we certainly can’t get along without her now.

I can’t find it in me to go shopping or smile and be hyper like I used to. It’s just not worth the effort that it would take. Carlisle works even more, throwing himself into his work more than ever before. Esme sobs and all of her smiles are full of sadness. She can’t bear having left her youngest daughter, her baby girl in many ways, behind. Jasper constantly feels guilty and misses Bella, on top of feeling everyone else’s emotions and he has to leave the house for several hours each day just to find some measure of peace. Emmett doesn’t joke around or prank anyone. Even Rosalie has been effected to some degree. I can tell that she feels guilty for the way that she treated Bella, but at the same time she feels glad that now Bella will have a chance to have all of the things that she couldn’t as a vampire. And Edward…

Edward is the worst of all of us. He hasn’t stayed with the family much. He’s spent most of the last six months curled up in a ball somewhere in South America. I can see the pain that he’s in. At the moment, he’s upstairs sitting in his room in our house here in Alaska. He hasn’t said anything since he arrived yesterday and briefly greeted our “parents”. I feel so bad for him, but at the same time I can’t help but be a little mad at him for making us leave her. Still, he is my brother…

My thoughts were interrupted by a vision and after I came out of it, I flew to the front door just as the doorbell rang. I pulled the door open and smiled a small smile at the deliverywoman standing there.

“Hi, I have a package for an Alice Cullen,” she said and I nodded.

“That’s me,” I told her and she held out a clipboard to me.

“I just need you to sign this, please,” she asked and I quickly signed the paper as she handed me the box that she was carrying.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling and shutting the door after handing back the clipboard. I quickly ran to the living room and placed the box on the coffee table there. I wasn’t sure what was in the box but I knew that it was important and that the whole family needed to be down here.

“Could everyone please come down here?” I called in a normal tone of voice, knowing that they would all hear me anyway. “You, too, Edward. It’s important,” I said, listening to be sure that I heard six pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs; I did.

Once everyone had taken seats around the room, Carlisle spoke. “What is it, Alice?” he inquired and I managed a small smile.

“I had a vision that I was going to receive this package and that it would be important to all of us, but I don’t know what’s in it,” I explained and they all looked slightly interested now, even Edward frowned a little in thought.

“So… Let’s open it,” Emmett said as if it was obvious and I gave a half-smile and looked to Carlisle who nodded.

I opened up the box easily and frowned at what I saw. There was a book sitting inside, with a letter sitting on top of it. I pulled them both out and read the title of the book. “New Moon.”

“What does the letter say, Alice?” Esme asked and I looked down and ripped open the envelope.

_Dear Cullens,_

_I’m sure that this may surprise you, but this book is about Edward and Bella. Yes, Bella Swan, the girl that you left behind in Forks. You should know that this book is happening right now. It begins just before you left and continues into the present and then into the future. I’ve sent this to you because I feel that it’s time that you know the consequences of your actions and if I hadn’t then you would never truly have known._

I had stop there, my un-beating heart giving a painful squeeze at that last sentence. What did it mean?

“What do they mean ‘consequences’,” Emmett asked hesitantly and I shrugged worriedly. I didn’t know.

_It’s also important that you read the entire book before you make a decision. I won’t tell you what to do, but I trust that you’ll make the right decision this time. Also, there’s one more thing. I have to warn you that this book contains intense amounts of pain and depression. It is also in Bella’s point of view, Edward. Now, you should start reading. Remember, read the whole book before you do anything._

_Wishing You Luck,_

_S.M._

When I stopped reading everyone wore the same pained expressions, even Rosalie. I had to force the words “intense amounts of pain and depression” out of my mouth. Oh, God, what have we done? My poor sister. Bella…

Silence descended on us and no one broke it for several moments. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to know what we had done to her. “We’re reading,” I announced and no one contradicted me.

I picked up the book and was turning to the first page when I saw something and frowned, fear flashing through me. “There’s a quote,” I murmured and everyone looked at me intently.

**These violent delights have violent ends**

**And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,**

**Which, as they kiss, consume.**

Esme looked as if she would be crying if she could and we hadn’t even started the book yet. I took a deep breath, reaching over and taking Jazz’s hand in mine as I sat next to him. “Okay, here’s the Preface.”

**I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can’t make your body move fast enough. My legs seemed to move slower and slower as I fought my way through the callous crowd, but the hands on the huge clock tower didn’t slow. With relentless, uncaring force, they turned toward the end – the end of everything.**

Edward drew in sharp breath as I read that last sentence. “The end?” he murmured brokenly, his eyes pained even more than usual although there was a kind of relief there – relief at having at least this connection to Bella, painful though it may be. “Keep going, Alice, please,” he said and I nodded.

**But this was no dream, and, unlike the nightmare, I wasn’t running for _my_ life; I was racing to save something infinitely more precious. My own life meant little to me today.**

Emmett gave a strangled attempt at a laugh at that. “Does she ever think about herself?” he tried to joke but you could hear the sadness and concern in his voice. He missed his “little sister”. I kept reading, sending him a sympathetic smile.

**Alice had said that there was a good chance that we would both die here. Perhaps the outcome would be different if she weren’t trapped by the brilliant sunlight; only I was free to run across this bright, crowded square.**

“What?!” I exclaimed. “Where are we?” I wondered aloud. Then I noticed Edward glaring at me.

“Alice had said that there was a good chance that we would both die here?” he quoted angrily and I instantly defended myself.

“It’s not my fault. I don’t even know what’s going on, and whatever it is that I did in the book I must have a damn good reason for putting Bella in danger,” I retorted worriedly before going on.

**And I couldn’t run fast enough.**

**So it didn’t matter that we were surrounded by our extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late – and I was glad that something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live.**

“No!” Edward cried out and I froze. No! Bella couldn’t die!

“Wait. Clock tower? Bloodthirsty enemies?” Carlisle muttered and even his vampire skin paled a little. I was going to ask him what he was talking about before it occurred to me. Of course.

“The Volturi?” I gasped, my eyes wide and Edward’s expression grew even more angry and concerned than before.

“Carlisle?” Edward choked the word out as we all turned to look at our father figure (or husband and mate in Esme’s case) with upset expressions.

He frowned. “I may be wrong,” Carlisle allowed. “We won’t know until we’ve finished the book. Keep reading, Alice,” he instructed and I took a deep breath.

**The clock tolled again, and the sun beat down from the exact center point of the sky.**

I let out a shaky breath. “That’s the end of the Preface,” I said, glancing at Edward to see his reaction. He had his head in his hands and I couldn’t see his face.

 _We shouldn’t have left her,_ I thought to him and he shook his head a little. I huffed. Stubborn vampire.

“We won’t know until we read, Alice,” he said, looking up at me with a mixture of hope and pain in his eyes. I shook my head and smiled sadly at him. “Let’s keep reading,” he said and we all nodded in agreement.

**To Be Continued.**


	2. Party

Alice

“I guess I’ll read first and then we can take turns?” I asked and once everyone had nodded their agreement, I began to read.

**1\. Party**

“Oh, great,” Jasper muttered and we all frowned at the memory of Bella’s disastrous birthday party six months ago.

 **I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was dreaming.** **The reasons I was so certain were that, first, I was standing in a bright shaft of sunlight–the kind of blinding clear sun that never shone on my drizzly new hometown in Forks, Washington–and second, I was looking at my Grandma Marie. Gran had been dead for six years now, so that was solid evidence toward the dream theory.**

**Gran hadn't changed much; her face looked just the same as I remembered it. The skin was soft and withered, bent into a thousand tiny creases that clung gently to the bone underneath.**

**Like a dried apricot, but with a puff of thick white hair standing out in a cloud around it.**

**Our mouths–hers a wizened picker–spread into the same surprised half-smile at just the same time. Apparently, she hadn't been expecting to see me, either.**

**I was about to ask her a question; I had so many–What was she doing here in my dream?** **What had she been up to in the past six years? Was Pop okay, and had they found each other, wherever they were? –but she opened her mouth when I did, so I stopped to let her go first.** **She paused, too, and then we both smiled at the little awkwardness.**

**"Bella!"**

**It wasn't Gran who called my name, and we both turned to see the addition to our small reunion. I didn't have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere– know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I'd bet. The voice I'd walk through fire for –or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.**

**Edward.**

I glanced at Edward to see that he had a small half-smile on his lips. “Oh, Bella,” he murmured, chuckling softly.

I frowned at him. “Care to share the joke?” I asked and he glanced at me with one eyebrow slightly raised.

“She makes it sound so dramatic. The way that she puts it – that’s the way that I feel for her. As much as I would like it, a human couldn’t possibly feel such strong emotions. Not even Bella,” he shook his head sadly and I snorted.

“You’re wrong,” I muttered and I was sure that he was wrong. I had seen her fall in love with him. I saw the way she watched him, the way that she responded to him. He was wrong.

**Even though I was always thrilled to see him–conscious or otherwise–and even though I was almost positive that I was dreaming, I panicked as Edward walked toward us through the glaring sunlight.**

**I panicked because Gran didn't know that I was in love with a vampire–nobody knew that–so how was I supposed to explain the fact that the brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin into a thousand rainbow shards like he was made of crystal or diamond?**

“Well, Gran, you can see that my boyfriend sparkles in the sunlight. It’s okay, though. It’s just something he does…” Emmett trailed off jokingly, his mood already improved somewhat from reading the book.

**Well, Gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It's just something he does in the sun. Don't worry about it…**

Emmett grinned. “Oh, I’m good,” he smirked.

**What was he doing? The whole reason he lived in Forks, the rainiest place in the world, was so that he could be outside in the daytime without exposing his family's secret. Yet here he was, strolling gracefully toward me–with the most beautiful smile on his angel's face–as if I were the only one here.**

**In that second, I wished that I was not the one exception to his mysterious talent; I usually felt grateful that I was the only person whose thoughts he couldn't hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud. But now I wished he could hear me, too, so that he could hear the warning I was screaming in my head.**

**I shot a panicked glance back at Gran, and saw that it was too late. She was just turning to stare back at me, her eyes as alarmed as mine.**

**Edward–still smiling so beautifully that my heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst through my chest–put his arm around my shoulder and turned to face my grandmother.**

**Gran's expression surprised me. Instead of looking horrified, she was staring at me sheepishly, as if waiting for a scolding.**

I paused at that. “What?” Jasper asked and I shook my head.

**And she was standing in such a strange position–one arm held awkwardly away from her body, stretched out and then curled around the air.**

I froze. I had a feeling that I knew what this was about…

**Like she had her arm around someone I couldn't see, someone invisible…**

**Only then, as I looked at the bigger picture, did I notice the huge gilt frame that enclosed my grandmother's form. Uncomprehending, I raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around Edward's waist and reached out to touch her. She mimicked the movement exactly, mirrored it. But where our fingers should have met, there was nothing but cold glass…**

I sighed. I was right.

“Wait, I don’t understand,” Emmett said, confused and I raised one eyebrow at him.

“Just wait a minute, Em,” I told him.

**With a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare.**

Edward frowned at that.

**There was no Gran.**

**That was me. Me in a mirror. Me–ancient, creased, and withered.**

**Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen. He pressed his icy, perfect lips against my wasted cheek.**

**"Happy birthday," he whispered.**

Emmett’s eyes widened. “Whoa. Bella dreamt of being old,” he said surprised.

“Of course she did,” I said. It was obvious – to everyone but Emmett.

Emmett frowned. “Why?” he asked and I could have laughed but it was too sad.

“Because she never wanted to be older than Edward. She knew that he wouldn’t change her and it terrified her to think of losing him in any way,” I said, glancing at my bronze-haired brother.

He wore a pained but at the same time stubborn expression. I snorted quietly and shook my head. I loved my brother but he was such an idiot sometimes. He was in so much pain right now and it was all his own fault for making this choice. I saw him flinch slightly at my thoughts, but I wouldn’t feel guilty about it because it was true.

**I woke with a start–my eyelids popping open wide–and gasped. Dull gray light, the familiar light of an overcast morning, took the place of the blinding sun in my dream.**

**Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath, and then jumped again when my alarm went off. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today was September thirteenth.**

**Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. Today was my birthday.**

**I was officially eighteen years old.**

**I'd been dreading this day for months.**

**All through the perfect summer–the happiest summer I had ever had, the happiest summer anyone anywhere had ever had,** **and the rainiest summer in the history of the Olympic Peninsula–this bleak date had lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.**

**And now that it had hit, it was even worse than I'd feared it would be. I could feel it–I was older. Every day I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable.**

**I was eighteen.**

**And Edward never would be.**

“You see?” I asked Emmett and he nodded, frowning.

**When I went to brush my teeth, I was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed. I stared at myself, looking for some sign of impending wrinkles in my ivory skin.**

**The only creases were the ones on my forehead, though, and I knew that if I could manage to relax, they would disappear. I couldn't. My eyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over my anxious brown eyes.**

**It was just a dream, I reminded myself again. Just a dream… but also my worst nightmare.**

I shook my head slowly. Oh, Bella… If only you could have known what was coming, you wouldn’t have worried about this dream so much – or at all, in fact.

**I skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible. I wasn't entirely able to avoid my dad, and so I had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. I honestly tried to be excited about the gifts I'd asked him not to get me, but every time I had to smile, it felt like I might start crying.**

**I struggled to get a grip on myself as I drove to school. The vision of Gran–I would not think of it as me–was hard to get out of my head. I couldn't feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High School and spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty.**

Emmett and Jasper both snorted at that and I half-smiled.

**The dream had not done him justice. And he was waiting there for me, just the same as every other day.**

**Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after half a year with him, I still couldn't believe that I deserved this degree of good fortune.**

**His sister Alice was standing by his side, waiting for me, too.**

**Of course Edward and Alice weren't really related (in Forks the story was that all the Cullen siblings were adopted by Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme, both plainly too young to have teenage children),** **but their skin was precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange golden tint, with the same deep, bruise-like shadows beneath them. Her face, like his, was also startlingly beautiful. To someone in the know–someone like me–these similarities marked them for what they were.**

**The sight of Alice waiting there–her tawny eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver-wrapped square in her hands–made me frown.**

I frowned now, too. I should have listened to Bella when she said that she didn’t want a party…

**I'd told Alice I didn't want anything, anything, not gifts or even attention, for my birthday. Obviously, my wishes were being ignored.**

**I slammed the door of my '53 Chevy truck–a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wet blacktop–and walked slowly toward where they waited. Alice skipped forward to meet me, her pixie face glowing under her spiky black hair.**

**"Happy birthday, Bella!"**

**"Shh!" I hissed, glancing around the lot to make sure no one had heard her. The last thing I wanted was some kind of celebration of the black event.**

“A black event is exactly what it turned out to be,” I muttered, too low for my family to hear, before going on.

**She ignored me. "Do you want to open your present now or later?" she asked eagerly as we made our way to where Edward still waited.**

**"No presents," I protested in a mumble.**

**She finally seemed to process my mood. "Okay… later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"**

**I sighed. Of course she would know what my birthday presents were. Edward wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills. Alice would have "seen" what my parents were planning as soon as they'd decided that themselves.**

**"Yeah. They're great."**

**"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."**

**"How many times have you been a senior?"**

**"That's different."**

**We reached Edward then, and he held out his hand for mine. I took it eagerly, forgetting, for a moment, my glum mood. His skin was, as always, smooth, hard, and very cold. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. I looked into his liquid topaz eyes, and my heart gave a not-quite-so-gentle squeeze of its own.** **Hearing the stutter in my heartbeats, he smiled again.**

**He lifted his free hand and traced one cool fingertip around the outside of my lips as he spoke. "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"**

**"Yes. That is correct." I could never quite mimic the flow of his perfect, formal articulation.**

**It was something that could only be picked up in an earlier century.**

Jasper chuckled. “Very true,” he agreed.

**"Just checking." He ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair.**

**"You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."**

**Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"**

Edward winced and I frowned. It ended up being far worse than I could ever have imagined.

**She meant it as a rhetorical question.**

**"Getting older," I answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be.**

**Beside me, Edward's smile tightened into a hard line.**

I glared at Edward. _You should have just done as she asked and changed her._ He glared back at me.

**"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"**

**"It's older than Edward," I mumbled.**

**He sighed.**

**"Technically," she said, keeping her tone light. "Just by one little year, though."**

**And I supposed… if I could be sure of the future I wanted, sure that I would get to spend forever with Edward, and Alice and the rest of the Cullens (preferably not as a wrinkled little old lady)… then a year or two one direction or the other wouldn't matter to me so much. But Edward was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him–that made me immortal, too.**

**An impasse, he called it.**

**I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest.**

“Neither can I,” I muttered and no one, not even Edward, contradicted me. Not now, when we had all had to live without her for so long.

**What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing–not the way the Cullens did it, anyway.**

**"What time will you be at the house?" Alice continued, changing the subject. From her expression, she was up to exactly the kind of thing I'd been hoping to avoid.**

**"I didn't know I had plans to be there."**

**"Oh, be fair, Bella!" she complained. "You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"**

Fun. I shook my head. Yeah, some fun.

**"I thought my birthday was about what I want."**

**"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," Edward told her, ignoring me altogether.**

“Edward,” Esme scolded. “You shouldn’t ignore Bella when she speaks to you.” Edward frowned and nodded but I knew what he was thinking – it was a moot point now anyway.

**"I have to work," I protested.**

**"You don't, actually," Alice told me smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"**

**"I–I still can't come over," I stammered, scrambling for an excuse.** **"I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."**

**Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."**

**"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it–that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."**

**"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.**

**"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."**

Emmett laughed. “She’s really reaching for any possible excuse isn’t she?” he asked and I smiled before I frowned. I really should have listened to her.

**Finally, Alice lost the smug smile and glared at me. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other–"**

“Alice,” Esme warned and I lowered my head a little.

“Sorry, Esme,” I chirped and she smiled a little at me.

**Edward interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."**

**"So there," I added.**

**"I'll bring her over around seven," he continued.**

**"That will give you more time to set up."**

**Alice's laughter chimed again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see."**

_Damn it!_ I thought before I felt a small wave of calmness wash over me and I turned and kissed Jasper on the cheek and smiled at him in thanks.

**She grinned–the wide smile exposed all her perfect, glistening teeth–then pecked me on the cheek and danced off toward her first class before I could respond.**

**"Edward, please–" I started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger to my lips.**

**"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."**

**No one bothered to stare at us as we took our usual seats in the back of the classroom (we had almost every class together now–it was amazing the favors Edward could get the female administrators to do for him). Edward and I had been together too long now to be an object of gossip anymore. Even Mike Newton didn't bother to give me the glum stare that used to make me feel a little guilty.**

**He smiled now instead, and I was glad he seemed to have accepted that we could only be friends. Mike had changed over the summer–his face had lost some of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, and he was wearing his pale blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer and gelled into a carefully casual disarray.** **It was easy to see where his inspiration came from–but Edward's look wasn't something that could be achieved through imitation.**

 **As the day progressed, I considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the Cullen house tonight. It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. But, worse than that, this was sure to involve attention and gifts.** **Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree. No one wants a spotlight when they're likely to fall on their face.** **And I'd very pointedly asked–well, ordered really–that no one give me any presents this year.**

**It looked like Charlie and Renee weren't the only ones who had decided to overlook that.**

**I'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. Renee had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Charlie wasn't getting rich at his job, either–he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Forks. My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the local sporting goods store. In a town this small, I was lucky to have a job. Every penny I made went into my microscopic college fund. (College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…)**

**Edward had a lot of money–I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. Edward didn't seem to understand why I objected to him spending money on me–why it made me uncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in Seattle, why he wasn't allowed to buy me a car that could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour, or why I wouldn't let him pay my college tuition (he was ridiculously enthusiastic about Plan B).**

**Edward thought I was being unnecessarily difficult.**

**But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with?**

Esme frowned. “She really doesn’t think much of herself does she?” she asked sadly and I frowned.

“No, she doesn’t,” I agreed.

**He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance.**

**As the day went on, neither Edward nor Alice brought my birthday up again, and I began to relax a little. We sat at our usual table for lunch.**

**A strange kind of truce existed at that table. The three of us–Edward, Alice, and I–sat on the extreme southern end of the table. Now that the "older" and somewhat scarier (in Emmett's case, certainly) Cullen siblings had graduated, Alice and Edward did not seem quite so intimidating, and we did not sit here alone. My other friends, Mike and Jessica (who were in the awkward post-breakup friendship phase), Angela and Ben (whose relationship had survived the summer), Eric, Conner, Tyler, and Lauren (though that last one didn't really count in the friend category) all sat at the same table, on the other side of an invisible line.**

**That line dissolved on sunny days when Edward and Alice always skipped school, and then the conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me.**

**Edward and Alice didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way I would have. They barely noticed it. People always felt strangely ill at ease with the Cullens, almost afraid for some reason they couldn't explain to themselves. I was a rare exception to that rule.**

**Sometimes it bothered Edward how very comfortable I was with being close to him.** **He thought he was hazardous to my health–an opinion I rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it.**

Edward frowned. “You were wrong, love,” he murmured.

**The afternoon passed quickly. School ended, and Edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. But this time, he held the passenger door open for me. Alice must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it.**

**I folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"**

**"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."**

**"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"**

**"All right." He shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the driver's side. "Happy birthday."**

**"Shh," I shushed him halfheartedly. I climbed in the opened door, wishing he'd taken the other offer.**

Edward frowned. “Me, too,” he agreed morosely.

 **Edward played with the radio while I drove, shaking his head in disapproval.** **"Your radio has horrible reception."**

**I frowned. I didn't like it when he picked on my truck. The truck was great–it had personality.**

Rosalie shuddered. “Does that thing even have airbags?” she wondered aloud and Edward froze.

“No airbags?” he questioned. “No airbags. No, no, no. No airbags,” he muttered, frowning and looking like he was about to start pacing the room until Jazz sent him a wave of calmness and he relaxed slightly, although he kept his slight frown.

**"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." I was so nervous about Alice's plans, on top of my already gloomy mood, that the words came out sharper than I'd meant them. I was hardly ever bad-tempered with Edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.**

**When I parked in front of Charlie's house, he reached over to take my face in his hands. He handled me very carefully, pressing just the tips of his fingers softly against my temples, my cheekbones, my jawline. Like I was especially breakable.** **Which was exactly the case–compared with him, at least.**

**"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," he whispered. His sweet breath fanned across my face.**

**"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" I asked, my breathing uneven.**

**His golden eyes smoldered. "Too bad."**

“Edward,” Esme scolded and Carlisle frowned.

“Son, you really should allow Bella to make her own decisions. If she doesn’t want to do something, then she doesn’t have to. You can’t tell her how to feel,” Carlisle said, frowning at his ‘eldest son’.

Edward frowned. “But…” he trailed off before shaking his head. “Of course. I’m sorry Esme, Carlisle,” he apologized but I could see that he didn’t really understand. I was starting to, though.

**My head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy lips against mine. As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.**

**His mouth lingered on mine, cold and smooth and gentle, until I wrapped my arms around his neck and threw myself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm.** **I could feel his lips curve upward as he let go of my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him.**

**Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.**

Edward huffed. “Trivial,” he muttered, shaking his head.

**"Be good, please," he breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach.**

**My pulse was thudding in my ears. I put one hand over my heart. It drummed hyperactively under my palm.**

**"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" I wondered, mostly to myself. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"**

**"I really hope not," he said, a bit smug.**

**I rolled my eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"**

**"Your wish, my command."**

**Edward sprawled across the couch while I started the movie, fast-forwarding through the opening credits.**

**When I perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold–and perfect–as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable. He pulled the old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so I wouldn't freeze beside his body.**

**"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," he commented as the movie started.**

**"What's wrong with Romeo?" I asked, a little offended. Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I'd met Edward, I'd sort of had a thing for him.**

Jasper chuckled and I looked at him questioningly. “Edward is jealous,” he said slyly and Emmett burst into laughter while everyone else but Edward himself either smirked or smiled at the bronze-haired vampire.

**"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline–don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"**

Rosalie smiled wryly. “That sounds vaguely familiar,” she commented, staring hard at Edward. I couldn’t say that I disagreed with her.

**I sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"**

**"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." His fingers traced patterns across the skin of my arm, raising goose bumps. "Will you cry?"**

**"Probably," I admitted, "if I'm paying attention."**

**"I won't distract you then." But I felt his lips on my hair, and it was very distracting.**

**The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Edward whispering Romeo's lines in my ear–his irresistible, velvet voice made the actor's voice sound weak and coarse by comparison. And I did cry, to his amusement, when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead.**

**"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," Edward said, drying the tears with a lock of my hair.**

**"She's very pretty."**

**He made a disgusted sound. "I don't envy him the girl–just the ease of the suicide," he clarified in a teasing tone. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"**

Esme gasped slightly, her expression pained.

**"What?" I gasped.**

**"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he realized what he'd become…" His voice, which had grown serious, turned light again. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."**

Esme and Carlisle both frowned at that, holding each other close.

**I twisted around so that I could read his face. "What are you talking about?" I demanded. "What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"**

**"Last spring, when you were… nearly killed…"** **He paused to take a deep breath, snuggling to return to his teasing tone. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."**

**For one second, the memory of my last trip to Phoenix washed through my head and made me feel dizzy. I could see it all so clearly–the blinding sun, the heat waves coming off the concrete as I ran with desperate haste to find the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture me to death. James, waiting in the mirrored room with my mother as his hostage–or so I'd thought. I hadn't known it was all a ruse. Just as James hadn't known that Edward was racing to save me; Edward made it in time, but it had been a close one.**

**Unthinkingly, my fingers traced the crescent-shaped scar on my hand that was always just a few degrees cooler than the rest of my skin.**

Carlisle looked interested at that. “Really?” he asked curiously, but no one answered him since it was clear that he didn’t expect an answer.

**I shook my head–as if I could shake away the bad memories–and tried to grasp what Edward meant. My stomach plunged uncomfortably. "Contingency plans?" I repeated.**

Esme glared at Edward now.

**"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." He rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. "But I wasn't sure how to do it–I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."**

**I didn't want to believe he was serious, but his golden eyes were brooding, focused on something far away in the distance as he contemplated ways to end his own life. Abruptly, I was furious.**

“Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! You absolutely will do no such thing! Do you hear me?” Esme demanded and Edward looked slightly abashed.

“I’m sorry, Esme,” he apologized, but I noticed that he didn’t promise anything. I’m sure that Esme did, too.

**"What is a Volturi?" I demanded.**

**"The Volturi are a family," he explained, his eyes still remote. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America–do you remember the story?"**

**"Of course I remember."**

**I would never forget the first time I'd gone to his home, the huge white mansion buried deep in the forest beside the river, or the room where Carlisle–Edward's father in so many real ways–kept a wall of paintings that illustrated his personal history. The most vivid, most wildly colorful canvas there, the largest, was from Carlisle's time in Italy. Of course I remembered the calm quartet of men, each with the exquisite face of a seraph, painted into the highest balcony overlooking the swirling mayhem of color. Though the painting was centuries old, Carlisle–the blond angel**

Esme chuckled at that while “the blond angel” looked embarrassed.

**–remained unchanged. And I remembered the three others, Carlisle's early acquaintances. Edward had never used the name Volturi for the beautiful trio, two black-haired, one snow white. He'd called them Aro, Caius, and Marcus, nighttime patrons of the arts…**

**"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," Edward went on, interrupting my reverie. "Not unless you want to die–or whatever it is we do." His voice was so calm, it made him sound almost bored by the prospect. My anger turned to horror. I took his marble face between my hands and held it very tightly.**

**"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" I said. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"**

**"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."**

**"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" I was getting angrier. "How dare you even think like that?" The idea of Edward ceasing to exist, even if I were dead, was impossibly painful.**

Edward frowned.

“That applies to you being gone from her life, as well,” I said with certainty and he glared at me, but I could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

**"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" he asked.**

**"That's not the same thing."**

**He didn't seem to understand the difference. He chuckled.**

**"What if something did happen to you?" I blanched at the thought. "Would you want me to go off myself?"**

“No!” Edward exclaimed.

**A trace of pain touched his perfect features.**

**"I guess I see your point… a little," he admitted. "But what would I do without you?"**

**"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."**

**He sighed. "You make that sound so easy."**

**"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."**

Rosalie frowned at that. “She really does have low self-esteem, doesn’t she?” she asked and I nodded, frowning.

**He was about to argue, but then he let it go. "Moot point," he reminded me. Abruptly, he pulled himself up into a more formal posture, shifting me to the side so that we were no longer touching.**

**"Charlie?" I guessed.**

**Edward smiled. After a moment, I heard the sound of the police cruiser pulling into the driveway. I reached out and took his hand firmly. My dad could deal with that much.**

**Charlie came in with a pizza box in his hands.** **"Hey, kids." He grinned at me. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"**

**"Sure. Thanks, Dad."**

**Charlie didn't comment on Edward's apparent lack of appetite. He was used to Edward passing on dinner.**

**"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" Edward asked when Charlie and I were done.**

**I looked at Charlie hopefully. Maybe he had some concept of birthdays as stay-at-home, family affairs–this was my first birthday with him, the first birthday since my mom, Renee, had remarried and gone to live in Florida, so I didn't know what he would expect.**

**"That's fine–the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie explained, and my hope disappeared. "So I won't be any kind of company… Here." He scooped up the camera he'd gotten me on Renee's suggestion (because I would need pictures to fill up my scrap-book), and threw it to me.**

**He ought to know better than that–I'd always been coordinationally challenged. The camera glanced off the tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor. Edward snagged it before it could crash onto the linoleum.**

**"Nice save," Charlie noted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets–she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."**

**"Good idea, Charlie," Edward said, handing me the camera.**

**I turned the camera on Edward, and snapped the first picture. "It works."**

**"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie's mouth pulled down at one corner.**

**"It's been three days, Dad," I reminded him. Charlie was crazy about Alice. He'd become attached last spring when she'd helped me through my awkward convalescence; Charlie would be forever grateful to her for saving him from the horror of an almost-adult daughter who needed help showering.**

I chuckled at that. I’m pretty sure that Bella and Charlie both would have died of embarrassment otherwise – that or Bella may have become permanently red-faced.

**"I'll tell her."**

**"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." It was clearly a dismissal. Charlie was already edging toward the living room and the TV.**

**Edward smiled, triumphant, and took my hand to pull me from the kitchen.**

**When we got to the truck, he opened the passenger door for me again, and this time I didn't argue. I still had a hard time finding the obscure turnoff to his house in the dark.**

**Edward drove north through Forks, visibly chafing at the speed limit enforced by my prehistoric Chevy. The engine groaned even louder than usual as he pushed it over fifty.**

**"Take it easy," I warned him.**

**"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"**

**"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."**

**"Not a dime," he said virtuously.**

**"Good."**

**"Can you do me a favor?"**

**"That depends on what it is."**

Emmett chuckled. “Smart girl,” he complimented.

“Emmett, you do know that you’re talking to a book, right?” Jasper teased lightly and Emmett fake-pouted, making us all laugh lightly.

**He sighed, his lovely face serious. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."**

**It always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. "Fine, I'll behave."**

**"I probably should warn you…"**

**"Please do."**

**"When I say they're all excited… I do mean all of them."**

**"Everyone?" I choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."**

**The rest of Forks was under the impression that the older Cullens had gone off to college this year, to Dartmouth, but I knew better.**

Emmett snorted. “Been there, done that.”

**"Emmett wanted to be here."**

**"But… Rosalie?"**

**"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."**

**I didn't answer. Like I could just not worry, that easy. Unlike Alice, Edward's other "adopted" sister, the golden blond and exquisite Rosalie,**

Rosalie grinned at her description and I chuckled as I looked down at the book, pulling a few folded sheets of paper out of it.

“What does it say?” Carlisle asked.

_Rosalie,_

_I thought that you, as well as the other Cullens, might like to read what Bella’s first impression of you was. So, here they are:_

_“It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them._

_They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the long room. There were five of them. They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. They weren't gawking at me, unlike most of the other students, so it was safe to stare at them without fear of meeting an excessively interested pair of eyes. But it was none of these things that caught, and held, my attention. They didn't look anything alike._

_Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond.  The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students._

_The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on herself-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back._

_The short girl was pixie like, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction._

_And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruise like shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, and angular. But all this is not why I couldn't look away._

_I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel._

_It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful —_ _maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronze-haired boy.”_

Rosalie appeared both surprised and gratified as she smiled widely. “I never knew that she saw me that way,” she mused quietly.

“This next part seems to be at a different time than this,” I said before going on.

_“Then a doctor walked around the corner, and my mouth fell open._

_He was young, he was blond… and he was handsomer than any movie star I'd ever seen._

_He was pale, though, and tired-looking, with circles under his eyes. From Charlie's description, this had to be Edward's father.”_

Carlisle looked embarrassed at that, whereas Esme smiled widely and kissed him on the cheek.

“Next should be you, Mom,” I said and she beamed. We rarely called Esme and Carlisle “Mom and Dad” but sometimes we did. They were the only parents we had, after all.

_“I'd seen Dr. Cullen before, of course, yet I couldn't help but be struck again by his youth, his outrageous perfection. At his side was Esme, I assumed, the only one of the family I'd never seen before._

_She had the same pale, beautiful features as the rest of them. Something about her heart-shaped face, her billows of soft, caramel-colored hair, reminded me of the ingénues of the silent-movie era._

_She was small, slender, yet less angular, more rounded than the others. They were both dressed casually, in light colors that matched the inside of the house. They smiled in welcome, but made no move to approach us. Trying not to frighten me, I guessed.”_

Esme smiled softly and shook her head. “That was exactly it,” she agreed.

“The note ends there,” I informed everyone and they all nodded.

**didn't like me much. Actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger than just dislike. As far as Rosalie was concerned, I was an unwelcome intruder into her family's secret life. I felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that Rosalie and Emmett's prolonged absence was my fault, even as I furtively enjoyed not having to see her Emmett, Edward's playful bear of a brother, I did miss.**

Emmett grinned at that. He really did think of Bella as the little sister he never had.

**He was in many ways just like the big brother I'd always wanted… only much, much more terrifying.**

**Edward decided to change the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"**

**The words came out in a whisper. "You know what I want."**

**A deep frown carved creases into his marble forehead. He obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject of Rosalie.**

**It felt like we'd had this argument a lot today.**

**"Not tonight, Bella. Please."**

**"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."**

“I should have,” I stated and Edward growled but I ignored him.

**Edward growled–a deep, menacing sound. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," he vowed.**

**"That's not fair!"**

**I thought I heard his teeth clench together.**

**We were pulling up to the house now. Bright light shined from every window on the first two floors. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded the house. Big bowls of flowers–pink roses–lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.**

**Edward took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "This is a party," he reminded me. "Try to be a good sport."**

**"Sure," I muttered.**

**He came around to get my door, and offered me his hand.**

**"I have a question."**

**He waited warily.**

**"If I develop this film," I said, toying with the camera in my hands,** **"will you show up in the picture?"**

**Edward started laughing. He helped me out of the car, pulled me up the stairs, and was still laughing as he opened the door for me.**

**They were all waiting in the huge white living room; when I walked through the door, they greeted me with a loud chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!" while I blushed and looked down.**

**Alice, I assumed, had covered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses. There was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Edward's grand piano, holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presen**

**It was a hundred times worse than I'd imagined.**

I had to laugh at that. Bella really wasn’t one to let anyone do anything for her if she could help it.

**Edward, sensing my distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head.**

**Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme–impossibly youthful and lovely as ever–were the closest to the door. Esme hugged me carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against my cheek as she kissed my forehead, and then Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders.**

**"Sorry about this, Bella," he stage-whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."**

I put a mock-offended expression on my face. “Of course not!” I declared and they chuckled. Still, you could hear the underlying sadness, even as we laughed.

**Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare.**

Rosalie frowned and sighed and I nearly smiled. I had a feeling that by the time that we finished this book, Rosalie’s attitude towards Bella would have changed completely.

**Emmett's face was stretched into a huge grin. It had been months since I'd seen them; I'd forgotten how gloriously beautiful Rosalie was–it almost hurt to look at her.**

Rosalie smiled and shook her head. I chuckled silently. If only Bella had known that all she had to do to get on Rosalie’s good side was tell what she really thought about how she looked…

**And had Emmett always been so… big?**

**"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."**

**"Thanks a lot, Emmett," I said, blushing deeper.**

**He laughed, "I have to step out for a second"–he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice–"Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."**

**"I'll try."**

**Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light.**

**Jasper smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spend cooped up together in Phoenix, I'd thought he'd gotten over his aversion to me. But he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before–avoiding me as much as possible–the moment he was free from that temporary obligation to protect me.**

**I knew it wasn't personal, just a precaution, and I tried not to be overly sensitive about it. Jasper had more trouble sticking to the Cullens' diet than the rest of them; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the others–he hadn't been trying as long.**

Jasper lowered his head slightly and I leaned over to kiss him quickly, sending him waves of love and reassurance.

**"Time to open presents," Alice declared. She put her cool hand under my elbow and towed me to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.**

We all tensed and Edward glared at the book as if blaming it for what happened.

**I put on my best martyr face. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything–"**

**"But I didn't listen," she interrupted, smug.**

**"Open it." She took the camera from my hands and replaced it with a big, square silver box.**

**The box was so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said that it was from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Self-consciously, I tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed.**

**It was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. I opened the box, hoping for further illumination. But the box was empty.**

**"Um… thanks."**

**Rosalie actually cracked a smile. Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."**

**Alice was always one step ahead of me. "Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," I told them, grinning as I remembered Edward's complaints about my radio this afternoon–all a setup, apparently.**

**"Thanks, Emmett!" I called more loudly.**

**I heard his booming laugh from my truck, and I couldn't help laughing, too.**

**"Open mine and Edward's next,"Alice said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill. She held a small, flat square in her hand.**

**I turned to give Edward a basilisk glare. "You promised."**

**Before he could answer, Emmett bounded through the door. "Just in time!" he crowed. He pushed in behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a good look.**

**"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured me.**

**He brushed a strand of hair from my face, leaving my skin tingling from his touch.**

**I inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," I sighed.**

We all frowned and froze in place as I read on.

**I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.**

**"Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage.**

**A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.**

Edward growled lowly at that.

**It all happened very quickly then.**

**"No!" Edward roared.**

**He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal.**

Edward flinched, reminded that he had actually caused more damage than Jasper.

Jasper flinched at the thought of the way he had taken a snap at his little sister. I rubbed his arm comfortingly and continued reading.

 **Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide.** **There was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face.**

**Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.**

**Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. Only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow.**

**Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm–into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.**

“That’s the end of the chapter,” I said, turning to Jazz and wrapping my arms around him. “Who wants to read next?” I asked.

“I will,” Carlisle said, and I tossed him the book so that he could start reading.


	3. Stitches

Alice

I shook my head. It won’t be long until we start seeing what happened after we left, and I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good or a bad thing… I looked at Carlisle as he began to read.

**2\. Stitches**

**Carlisle was the only one who stayed calm. Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice.**

**"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." Unsmiling for once, Emmett nodded.**

**"Come on, Jasper." Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason.**

Jasper hung his head in shame and I took his hand, rubbing it while sending him waves of comfort and reassurance.

**Edward's face was whiter than bone as he wheeled to crouch over me, taking a clearly defensive position. A low warning growl slid from between his clenched teeth. I could tell that he wasn't breathing. Rosalie, her divine face strangely smug, stepped in front of Jasper–keeping a careful distance from his teeth–and helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door that Esme held open, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose. Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed.**

**"I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.**

Esme smiled sadly. “I couldn’t even stay with my daughter when she was hurt, all because she was bleeding…” she trailed off with a sigh, leaning into Carlisle.

**"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured. A second passed, and then Edward nodded slowly and relaxed his stance. Carlisle knelt beside me, leaning close to examine my arm. I could feel the shock frozen on my face, and I tried to compose it.**

**"Here, Carlisle," Alice said, handing him a towel. He shook his head.**

**"Too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth. He twisted it around my arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood was making me dizzy. My ears rang.**

**"Bella," Carlisle said softly. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"**

**"Here, please," I whispered. If he took me to the hospital, there would be no way to keep this from Charlie.**

**"I'll get your bag," Alice said.**

**"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle said to Edward. Edward lifted me effortlessly, while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on my arm.**

**"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.**

**"I'm fine." My voice was reasonably steady, which pleased me. Edward's face was like stone. Alice was there. Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. Edward sat me gently into a chair, and Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once. Edward stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.**

**"Just go, Edward," I sighed.**

**"I can handle it," he insisted. But his jaw was rigid; his eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst he fought, so much worse for him than it was for the others.**

I gave a wry smile. “She would worry about that when she was the one hurt,” I murmured, too low for anyone but Jasper to hear.

**"You don't need to be a hero," I said. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air." I winced as Carlisle did something to my arm that stung.**

**"I'll stay," he said.**

**"Why are you so masochistic?" I mumbled. Carlisle decided to intercede.**

_Because he’s an idiot,_ I thought, staring coolly at Edward when he hissed lowly. I wouldn’t apologize. I knew that he was hurting, but so were the rest of us and he made the decision to leave.

**"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."**

**"Yes," I eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."**

**"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.**

**Edward's eyes narrowed as we ganged up on him, but, finally, he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I was sure he hadn't taken a breath since I'd sliced my finger. A numb, dead feeling was spreading through my arm. Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing.**

**His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm. I could feel the faint stirrings of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I was determined not to let my usual squeamishness get the best of me. There was no pain now, just a gentle tugging sensation that I tried to ignore. No reason to get sick like a baby.**

**If she hadn't been in my line of sight, I wouldn't have noticed Alice give up and steal out of the room. With a tiny, apologetic smile on her lips, she disappeared through the kitchen doorway.**

I sighed. I had wanted so badly to stay with her, but I knew that I shouldn’t. Her blood was too potent, but I knew that she would understand. Bella, my sister, was so selfless. She would never hold it against me, but still...

**"Well, that's everyone," I sighed. "I can clear a room, at least."**

**"It's not your fault," Carlisle comforted me with a chuckle. "It could happen to anyone."**

**" _Could,"_ I repeated. "But it usually just happens to me." He laughed again. His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in direct contrast with everyone else's reaction. I couldn't find any trace of anxiety in his face. He worked with quick, sure movements. The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft _plink, plink_ as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one to the table.**

**"How can you do this?" I demanded. "Even Alice and Esme…" I trailed off, shaking my head in wonder. Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as absolutely as Carlisle had, he was the only one who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from the intense temptation. Clearly, this was much more difficult than he made it seem.**

**"Years and years of practice," he told me. "I barely notice the scent anymore."**

**"Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time. And weren't around any blood?"**

**"Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders, but his hands remained steady. "I've never felt the need for an extended holiday." He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. "I enjoy my work too much." _Plink, plink, plink_. I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in my arm. I was tempted to glance at the growing pile, just to check the size, but I knew that idea would not be helpful to my no-vomiting strategy.**

I smiled a little as Carlisle read that last line. _Oh, Bella…_

**"What is it that you enjoy?" I wondered. It didn't make sense to me–the years of struggle and self-denial he must have spent to get to the point where he could endure this so easily. Besides, I wanted to keep him talking; the conversation kept my mind off the queasy feeling in my stomach. His dark eyes were calm and thoughtful as he answered.**

Carlisle stopped reading for a moment and smiled, shaking his head. “She is very perceptive. And mature,” he added. “Most humans, even those that are older and more advanced in their lives, would never consider such things,” he murmured.

Rose frowned. “It’s almost like she’s thinking like a vampire,” she murmured, her voice thoughtful. I was glad to see that she wasn’t being antagonistic. I really thought that this book could help relieve the envy and resentment that Rosalie felt for Bella.

**"Hmm. What I enjoy the very most is when my… enhanced abilities let me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It's pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times." One side of his mouth pulled up in half a smile. I mulled that over while he poked around, making sure all the glass splinters were gone. Then he rummaged in his bag for new tools, and I tried not to picture a needle and thread.**

**"You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault," I suggested while a new kind of tugging started at the edges of my skin. "What I mean is, it's not like you asked for this. You didn't choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so _hard_ to be good."**

**"I don't know that I'm making up for anything," he disagreed lightly. "Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given."**

**"That makes it sound too easy." He examined my arm again.**

**"There," he said, snipping a thread. "All done." He wiped an oversized Q-tip, dripping with some syrup-colored liquid, thoroughly across the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. The syrup stained my skin.**

**"In the beginning, though," I pressed while he taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?" His lips turned up in a private smile.**

Carlisle smiled softly. “She truly does try to understand to the best of her abilities. Clearly she’s far more observant and intelligent than we gave her credit for,” he said fondly, with a touch of sadness in his eyes. I couldn’t disagree with him. Even I, her best friend, didn’t realize just how much she was capable of understanding.

**"Hasn't Edward told you this story?"**

**"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…" His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when–I refused to think _if_ –it was me.**

Edward frowned. “So stubborn eager for eternal damnation,” he muttered and I glared at him.

“Of course she’s stubborn. She loves you and she would never have wanted to let you go!” I snapped at him, making him glare back at me. I didn’t want to continue this fight right now so I gestured for Carlisle to keep reading.

**"You know my father was a clergyman," he mused as he cleaned the table carefully, rubbing everything down with wet gauze, and then doing it again. The smell of alcohol burned in my nose.**

**"He had a rather harsh view of the world, which I was already beginning to question before the time that I changed." Carlisle put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal bowl. I didn't understand what he was doing, even when he lit the match. Then he threw it onto the alcohol-soaked fibers, and the sudden blaze made me jump.**

**"Sorry," he apologized. "That ought to do it… So I didn't agree with my father's particular brand of faith. But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the other. Not even the reflection in the mirror." I pretended to examine the dressing on my arm to hide my surprise at the direction our conversation had taken.**

**Religion was the last thing I expected, all things considered. My own life was fairly devoid of belief. Charlie considered himself a Lutheran, because that's what his parents had been, but Sundays he worshipped by the river with a fishing pole in his hand. Renee tried out a church now and then, but, much like her brief affairs with tennis, pottery, yoga, and French classes, she moved on by the time I was aware of her newest fad.**

Carlisle and Esme both frowned at that. “She never had a religion?” Esme asked incredulously and even I found it a little hard to believe. Did she not really believe in anything, then?

Carlisle frowned thoughtfully. “Perhaps that’s why she took the realization of what we are so well. She had no previous prejudices or religious beliefs,” he suggested and I mulled that over. It was possible, I decided.

**"I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire." He grinned, knowing how their casual use of that word never failed to shock me. "But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit," he continued in an offhand voice. "By all accounts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying."**

**"I don't think that's foolish," I mumbled. I couldn't imagine anyone, deity included, who wouldn't be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind of heaven _I_ could appreciate would have to include Edward. "And I don't think anyone else would, either."**

Esme smiled, turning to place a kiss on her mate’s cheek. “I agree with her. No one could not be impressed by you,” she murmured.

I, on the other hand, was focusing on the next sentence after that. _You see, she can’t even imagine an afterlife without you there,_ I thought to Edward, who frowned.

**"Actually, you're the very first one to agree with me."**

**"The rest of them don't feel the same?" I asked, surprised, thinking of only one person in particular. Carlisle guessed the direction of my thoughts again.**

**"Edward's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist… and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind." Carlisle's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness.**

**"You see, he thinks we've lost our souls." I immediately thought of Edward's words this afternoon: _unless you want to die_ – _or whatever it is that we do_. The light bulb flicked on over my head.**

**"That's the real problem, isn't it?" I guessed. "That's why he's being so difficult about me." Carlisle spoke slowly.**

**"I look at my… _son_. His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines out of him–and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?" I nodded in fervent agreement.**

“They’re right,” Esme stated, smiling softly at her ‘son’.

**"But if I believed as he does…" He looked down at me with unfathomable eyes. "If you believed as he did. Could you take away _his_ soul?" The way he phrased the question thwarted my answer. If he'd asked me whether I would risk my soul for Edward, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Edward's soul? I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn't a fair exchange.**

**"You see the problem." I shook my head, aware of the stubborn set of my chin. Carlisle sighed.**

**"It's my choice," I insisted.**

_Yes, it should have been,_ I agreed with her mentally.

**"It's his, too." He held up his hand when he could see that I was about to argue. "Whether he is responsible for doing that to you."**

**"He's not the only one able to do it." I eyed Carlisle speculatively.**

**He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. "Oh, no! You're going to have to work this out with _him_." But then he sighed. "That's the one part I can never be sure of. I _think_ , in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide." I didn't answer. I imagined what my life would be like if Carlisle had resisted the temptation to change his lonely existence… and shuddered.**

**"It was Edward's mother who made up my mind." Carlisle's voice was almost a whisper. He stared unseeingly out the black windows.**

**"His mother?" Whenever I'd asked Edward about his parents, he would merely say that they had died long ago, and his memories were vague. I realized Carlisle's memory of them, despite the brevity of their contact, would be perfectly clear.**

**"Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior, never regained consciousness in the hospital. He died in the first wave of the influenza. But Elizabeth was alert until almost the very end. Edward looks a great deal like her–she had that same strange bronze shade to her hair, and her eyes were exactly the same color green."**

**"His eyes were green?" I murmured, trying to picture it.**

I thought for a moment. Yes, I could see Edward with green eyes to match the unusual bronze shade of his hair.

**"Yes…" Carlisle's ocher eyes were a hundred years away now. "Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. When the end came for her, it was very quick. It was just after sunset, and I'd arrived to relieve the doctors who'd been working all day. That was a hard time to pretend–there was so much work to be done, and I had no need of rest. How I hated to go back to my house, to hide in the dark and pretend to sleep while so many were dying."**

**"I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached–always a dangerous thing to do considering the fragile nature of humans. I could see at once that she'd taken a bad turn. The fever was raging out of control, and her body was too weak to fight anymore. She didn't look weak, though, when she glared up at me from her cot. 'Save him!' she commanded me in the hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage."**

**"'I'll do everything in my power,' I promised her, taking her hand. The fever was so high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt. Everything felt cold to her skin. 'You must,' she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all. Her eyes were hard, like stones, like emeralds. 'You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.'"**

**"It frightened me. She looked at me with those piercing eyes, and, for one instant, I felt certain that she knew my secret. Then the fever overwhelmed her, and she never regained consciousness. She died within an hour of making her demand. I'd spent decades considering the idea of creating a companion for myself. Just one other creature who could really know me, rather than what I pretended to be. But I could never justify it to myself–doing what had been done to me."**

**"There Edward lay, dying. It was clear that he had only hours left. Beside him, his mother, her face somehow not yet peaceful, not even in death." Carlisle saw it all again, his memory unblurred by the intervening century. I could see it clearly, too, as he spoke–the despair of the hospital, the overwhelming atmosphere of death. Edward burning with fever, his life slipping away with each tick of the clock… I shuddered again, and forced the picture from my mind.**

**"Elizabeth's words echoed in my head. How could she guess what I could do? Could anyone really want that for her son? I looked at Edward. Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have. After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his mother to the morgue first, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There weren't enough hands, enough eyes, to keep track of half of what the patients needed."**

I frowned. It sounded like Hell. So much death…

**"The morgue was empty–of the living, at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home. I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary. I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." He shook his head, coming back to the present. He smiled at me. "I suppose I should take you home now."**

**"I'll do that," Edward said. He came through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes–something he was trying very hard to hide. I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach.**

"She knew something was wrong..." I said, frowning. That would have just made it worse, the anticipation.

**"Carlisle can take me," I said. I looked down at my shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with my blood. My right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.**

**"I'm fine." Edward's voice was unemotional. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice getyou something." He strode out the kitchen door again.**

**I looked at Carlisle anxiously. "He's very upset."**

**"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."**

**"It's not his fault."**

**"It's not yours, either." I looked away from his wise, beautiful eyes.**

**I couldn't agree with that.**

I sighed out of frustration. “She always insists on blaming herself doesn’t she?” I asked.

“She’s far too selfless for her own good,” Esme agreed with me, smiling sadly, no doubt thinking of her lost daughter. Edward flinched at her thoughts, whatever they were, and I smiled at him sympathetically. I may not approve of or like his choice, but he was still my brother and he was hurting.

**Carlisle offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I followed him out into the main room. Esme had come back; she was mopping the floor where I'd fallen–with straight bleach from the smell of it.**

**"Esme, let me do that." I could feel that my face was bright red again.**

**"I'm already done." She smiled up at me. "How do you feel?"**

**"I'm fine," I assured her. "Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I've had." They both chuckled. Alice and Edward came in the back doors. Alice hurried to my side, but Edward hung back, his face indecipherable.**

**"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear."**

**She found me a shirt of Esme's that was close to the same color mine had been. Charlie wouldn't notice, I was sure. The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer spattered in gore. Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged.**

Emmett laughed at that. “I should hope not, what with how clumsy little Bella is,” he said teasingly and we couldn’t help but smile at him. It was true, after all.

**"Alice," I whispered as she headed back to the door.**

**"Yes?" She kept her voice low, too, and looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side.**

**"How bad is it?" I couldn't be sure if my whispering was a wasted effort. Even though we were upstairs, with the door closed, perhaps he could hear me. Her face tensed.**

**"I'm not sure yet."**

**"How's Jasper?" She sighed.**

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “She’s worried about me?” Jasper asked, his voice shocked.

I kissed him on the cheek. “Of course she is. You know she loves you,” I told him and he smiled.

“I’m glad. I love her, too,” he said softly and I leaned into his side. Maybe he would stop blaming himself quite so much, now…

**"He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak."**

**"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"**

Jasper smiled a little. “Thank you,” he whispered reverently. No one commented. We all knew how much Bella’s forgiveness meant to him, even if she wasn’t able to forgive him in person.

**"Of course." Edward was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of the staircase, he held it open without a word.**

**"Take your things!" Alice cried as I walked warily toward Edward. She scooped up the two packages, one half-opened, and my camera from under the piano, and pressed them into my good arm.**

**"You can thank me later, when you've opened them." Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight.**

**I could see them stealing quick glances at their impassive son, much like I was. It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, now unwelcome reminders. Edward kept pace with me silently. He opened the passenger side for me, and I climbed in without complaint. On the dashboard was a big red ribbon, stuck to the new stereo. I pulled it off, throwing it to the floor.**

Emmett pouted. “But why?” he whined and I raised one eyebrow at him.

“She can already tell that something’s wrong. Do you really think that she wants to be reminded of the party – or wants Edward to see a visible reminded of it?” I asked and he frowned, shaking his head. The corner of my mouth twitched. He really was just a big teddy bear.

**As Edward slid into the other side, I kicked the ribbon under my seat. He didn't look at me or the stereo. Neither of us switched it on, and the silence was somehow intensified by the sudden thunder of the engine. He drove too fast down the dark, serpentine lane. The silence was making me insane.**

**"Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway.**

**"What do you want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice. I cringed at his remoteness.**

Rosalie growled at that, surprising everyone.

“What?” Edward asked, since it was obvious that her growl was directed at him.

“You had to draw it out for so long, and push her away like that?” she asked scathingly and he glared at her.

“Why do you care anyway? You never liked Bella,” he growled back at her and she hissed lightly.

“I can see now that I’ve misjudged her. I may not exactly like her yet, but even I know that she didn’t deserve this,” she said, her voice full of finality. Silence ensued for a moment before Carlisle began to read again.

**''Tell me you forgive me." That brought a flicker of life to his face–a flicker of anger.**

“Oh, Bella…” Esme trailed off.

**"Forgive _you_? For what?"**

**"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."**

**"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut–that hardly deserves the death penalty."**

**"It's still my fault." My words opened up the floodgate.**

**"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own–without someone throwing you into them–even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up–and he wouldn't be righting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."**

“Edward!” Esme snapped and the bronze-haired vampire hung his head. Esme shook her head  but didn’t chastise him further.

**"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" I demanded.**

**"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," he growled.**

**"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," I protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."**

**"Don't be melodramatic, please."**

“Edward!” Jasper was the one to snap at him this time. I’ve felt what she feels for you, and I can tell you that she was in no way exaggerating or being melodramatic,” he seethed and Edward stared at him in surprised denial.

“That’s not possible. She’s human! She couldn’t possible feel that strongly for me!” he protested and Jasper glared at him darkly.

“You want to bet?” my mate growled before turning to the rest of us. “Does anyone object to having their emotions altered for a moment? I want to show Edward something,” he said evenly and we all shook our heads.

Jasper turned back to our brother. “You don’t believe her? Well, let’s see what you think when you feel what I could feel coming from her whenever she was around you,” he said.

And then I was hit by such an overpowering depth of feeling and emotion that I gasped and nearly doubled over from the force of it. It was so powerful… It almost felt like flying, or lying in a peaceful field beneath the sunshine, perfectly content but at the same time overwhelmingly exhilarated. It was perfect, absolutely pure without any hint of corruption or dishonesty. It was nothing less than pure, undeniable, unending… love.

I gasped again, looking at everyone else’s expressions to see my own shock reflected in their eyes, particularly Edward’s. “She really felt all of that?” I asked breathlessly and he nodded.

“How could she possibly feel that, all the time?” Rose choked out, and I agreed with her.

“Incredible…” Carlisle breathed.

“So much love… I don’t know that I could stand to feel it even a single minute, much less every minute of the day,” Esme said wonderingly, and again I agreed with that statement. I don’t know how Bella could stand it. Even I, a vampire, couldn’t stand it.

We all looked to Edward to see his response. He looked blown away, as well he should. “She felt…all of _that_ for me?” he asked in disbelief and Jasper nodded.

“Every single moment that she was with you and most likely even when she wasn’t,” he replied firmly and Edward’s mouth hung slightly open.

When nothing else was said, Carlisle turned back to the book, pulling another small sheet of paper from it. He unfolded it before reading.

_Edward,_

_I’m sure that by now you’re realizing the true depth of Bella’s feelings for you. I just wanted to add something._

_“Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" he murmured, leaning closer to me as he spoke, his dark golden eyes piercing._

_I tried to remember how to exhale. I had to look away before it came back to me._

_"You're doing it again," I muttered._

_His eyes opened wide with surprise. "What?"_

_"Dazzling me," I admitted, trying to concentrate as I looked back at him._

_"Oh." He frowned._

_"It's not your fault," I sighed. "You can't help it."_

_"Are you going to answer the question?"_

_I looked down. "Yes."_

_"Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" He was irritated again._

_"Yes, I really think that." I kept my eyes down on the table, my eyes tracing the pattern of the faux wood grains printed on the laminate. The silence dragged on. I stubbornly refused to be the first to break it this time, fighting hard against the temptation to peek at his expression._

_Finally he spoke, voice velvet soft. "You're wrong."”_

_I just thought you should know, Edward. You were the one that was wrong._

_Best of Luck, S.M._

We were all silent for a moment. Carlisle began to read again.

**"Well then, don't you be ridiculous." He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black. I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn't come up with anything. He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.**

**"Will you stay tonight?" I asked.**

**"I should go home." The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.**

**"For my birthday," I pressed.**

**"You can't have it both ways–either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.**

**"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned.**

**"You don't have to take those."**

**"I want them," I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology.**

**"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."**

“Edward,” Esme and Carlisle scolded and he apologized.

**"I'll live." I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second.**

**"Let me carry them, at least." he said as he took them away. "I'll be in your room." I smiled.**

**"Thanks."**

**"Happy birthday," he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine. I reached up on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness. The game was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the announcer rambling over the babble of the crowd.**

**"Bell?" Charlie called.**

**"Hey, Dad," I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side. The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness.**

**"How was it?" Charlie lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm. What was left of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side.**

**"Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents–the whole bit."**

**"What did they get you?"**

**"A stereo for my truck." And various unknowns.**

**"Wow."**

**"Yeah," I agreed. "Well, I'm calling it a night."**

**"I'll see you in the morning." I waved.**

**"See ya."**

**"What happened to your arm?" I flushed and cursed silently.**

Emmett chuckled. “I would love to hear Bella curse,” he grinned.

“Emmett,” Esme sighed, shaking her head affectionately.

**"I tripped. It's nothing."**

**"Bella," he sighed, shaking his head.**

**"Goodnight, Dad." I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for just such nights as these.**

**I shrugged into the matching tank top and cotton pants that I'd gotten to replace the holey sweats I used to wear to bed, wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and then skipped to my room. He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes.**

**"Hi," he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing. I went to the bed, pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap.**

**"Hi." I snuggled into his stone chest. "Can I open my presents now?"**

**"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" he wondered.**

**"You made me curious." I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Carlisle and Esme.**

**"Allow me," he suggested. He took the gift from my hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.**

**"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" I muttered, but he ignored me. Inside the box was a long thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a minute to get the gist of the information.**

**"We're going to Jacksonville?" And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets, for both me and Edward.**

Esme smiled. “I’m glad she liked them,” she murmured, but I couldn’t help but wonder if Bella would even use them, now.

**"That's the idea."**

**"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."**

**"I think I can handle it," he said, and then frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."**

**"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!" He chuckled.**

Esme and Carlisle smiled sadly. “It could never be too much. You’re our daughter and we wanted to treat you as such, including presents,” Carlisle murmured before he continued. I watched my adopted parents sympathetically. They really did love Bella as their daughter, their little girl, their youngest daughter and their youngest child out of all of us. I couldn’t even imagine how much they must miss her or how it must have hurt them to leave her behind.

**"Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable." I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and unwrapped it like the first one. He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.**

**"What is it?" I asked, perplexed. He didn't say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began. I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over.**

**"Does your arm hurt?" he asked anxiously.**

Rosalie stared at Edward blankly. “Did you really believe that she was crying _because her arm hurt_?” she asked in disbelief and Edward nodded sheepishly. Rose just shook her head.

**"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." I shut up, so I could listen. It was his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.**

**"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," he explained.**

I snorted. “Yeah, right,” I muttered affectionately. Bella would never willingly accept such an expensive gift from someone.

**"You're right."**

**"How does your arm feel?"**

**"Just fine." Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his hand, but that would have given me away.**

Edward sighed at that. “Bella…” he murmured her name with a pained expression on his face.

**"I'll get you some Tylenol."**

**"I don't need anything," I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door.**

**"Charlie," I hissed. Charlie wasn't exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn't feel too guilty for deceiving him It wasn't as if we were up to anything he wouldn't want me to be up to. Edward and his rules…**

**"He won't catch me," Edward promised as he disappeared silently out the door . . and returned, catching the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand. I took the pills he handed me without arguing–I knew I would lose the argument. And my arm really was starting to bother me. My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.**

**"It's late," Edward noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the quilt around me. He lay down next to me–on top of the blanket so I wouldn't get chilled–and put his arm over me. I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed happily.**

**"Thanks again," I whispered.**

**"You're welcome." It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I recognized Esme's favorite.**

Esme smiled at that. She loved to hear that song, and I had to admit that Edward was a phenomenal pianist.

**"What are you thinking about?'" I wondered in a whisper. He hesitated for a second before he told me.**

**"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." I felt a chill tingle along my spine.**

**"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" I asked quickly, hoping it wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him.**

**"Yes," he agreed, wary.**

**"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."**

Esme smiled and Emmett snickered. I grinned. Bella would find a way to use her surrender to her advantage. The girl was brilliant.

**"You're greedy tonight."**

**"Yes, I am–but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," I added, piqued. He laughed, and then sighed.**

**"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his. The kiss began much the same as usual–Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change.**

**Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly.**

**When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands. I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edges.**

My eyebrows furrowed together. “What could she be remembering?” I wondered aloud but even Edward didn’t have an answer to that.

**"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was out of line."**

**" _I_ don't mind," I panted. He frowned at me in the darkness. **

**"Try to sleep. Bella."**

**"No, I want you to kiss me again."**

Emmett chuckled while Rose smiled. “She is greedy tonight,” Emmett commented laughingly. I knew he was just trying to relieve some of the tension of reading the book so I smiled at him.

**"You're overestimating my self-control."**

**"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged.**

I raised one eyebrow in Edward’s direction but he avoided my gaze and looked as if he would be blushing if he could. Hmm…

**"It's a tie." He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. "Now. why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"**

**"Fine," I agreed, snuggling closer to him. I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a silly premonition–what could be worse than today?**

We all shook our heads at that. It was going to be much, much worse.

**Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt. Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would sooth the burning. It felt better at once.**

**I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when–or if–we would see each other again.**

**This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.**

Esme frowned, her eyes glassy with tears that would never fall. “My poor daughter…” she whispered.

Carlisle sighed, wrapping one arm more tightly around his wife’s form. “That was the end of the chapter,” he told us.

Rosalie nodded. “I’ll read next,” she said and he tossed her the book. She frowned when she caught it.

“What is it, Rose?” I asked her, confused by her reaction.

She glanced at me. Instead of answering, she read the title of the next chapter and I understood. “Chapter Three: The End,” she read and we all gasped.

This wasn’t going to be good. This wasn’t going to be good at all…


	4. The End

Rosalie

**3\. The End**

I shook my head a little. I had been cold and unfriendly to Bella when we were in Forks, but I realized now just how wrong I was for having done that. I should have welcomed her as my little sister, and I longed for the opportunity to do that now.

But that wasn’t what the majority of my focus was on at the moment. I knew from the chapter title what this was – we all did. This was when Edward left Bella. And I for one was at the very least glad to be getting some answers soon. He never said a word about when he did this and Alice didn’t see it, so… I shook my head. It was time.

**I felt absolutely hideous in the morning. I hadn’t slept well; my arm burned and my head ached. It didn't help my outlook that Edward's face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I'd spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep.**

**The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.**

**Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of—and it scared me. I didn't want to bring up last night, but I wasn't sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.**

**He opened my door for me.**

**"How do you feel?"**

**"Perfect," I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head.**

**We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine.**

**There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because they were for Alice: How was Jasper this morning?**

“I still can’t believe that she really worried about me, then…” Jasper whispered in awe. I almost smiled – almost. I had to admit. Part of the reason that I hadn’t welcomed Bella into the family was that I was unsure of her loyalties, but now… Having felt what she felt for my idiot brother, I could harbor no more doubts.

“Of course she did, Jazz,” Alice smiled a little, her eyes full of love and sadness. It was worse for Alice, I knew. Bella had been Alice’s best friend, her sister in ways that I wasn’t. Perhaps I should try to change that, too. Alice’s eyes flashed up to meet mine and she smiled and nodded. I returned her smile. Of course, she would see it. I shook my head.

**What had they said when I was gone? What had Rosalie said?**

I was shocked. She cared about what I said? But… I shook my head. She should hate me, yet her thoughts had not once been even the slightest bit annoyed at me. I was realizing more and more all the time just how much I had missed by refusing to accept Bella.

**And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future? Could she guess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn't seem to shake?**

**The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn't be able to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.**

**Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn't at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat.**

**Edward didn't say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late—until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.**

**"Where's Alice?" I asked Edward anxiously.**

**He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. "She's with Jasper."**

**"Is he okay?"**

**"He's gone away for a while."**

**"What? Where?"**

**Edward shrugged. "Nowhere in particular."**

**"And Alice, too," I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go.**

**"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."**

**Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires—good ones like the Cullens—lived. Tanya and her family. I'd heard of them now and again. Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James's little coven, had gone there rather than siding with James against the Cullens. It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go there.**

**I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.**

I smiled sadly. Even when she could feel that something was wrong, she worried about running me out of my own home – when really I could see now that it was all my own fault for being so damn proud.

**"Is your arm bothering you?" he asked solicitously.**

**"Who cares about my stupid arm?" I muttered in disgust.**

**He didn't answer, and I put my head down on the table.**

**By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn't want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.**

**"You'll come over later tonight?" I asked as he walked me—silently—to my truck. He always came over.**

**"Later?"**

**It pleased me that he seemed surprised. "I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."**

**"Oh," he murmured.**

**"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.**

**"If you want me to."**

I shook my head in anger this time. _Jackass. You didn’t have to draw it out so damn long. In fact, you didn’t have to go at all, idiot!_ I snapped at him mentally and he glared at me. I glared back for a moment before I continued reading, ignoring the bronze-haired vampire.

**"I always want you," I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.**

**I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.**

**"All right, then," he said indifferently.**

**He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car.**

**I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Newton's.**

**He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was disappearing.**

**But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river—I'd never set foot there again.**

**That didn't matter. I'd still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway. She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings by staying away.**

**No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity—in the emergency room.**

**After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. So I fell down—that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood—and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than this. Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?**

**Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year, Charlie wouldn't be able to object.**

**We could go away to college, or pretend that's what we were doing, like Rosalie and Emmett this year. Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It didn't even seem like that much to me.**

**I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Edward to various exotic locales.**

I sighed. _Oh, Bella… If only you knew…_

**Mike interrupted my fantasy. "How was your birthday?"**

**"Ugh," I mumbled. "I'm glad it's over."**

**Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.**

**Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It's nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will go back to normal.**

**The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward's silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way.**

**I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.**

**"Dad? Edward?"**

**As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's Sports Center coming from the living room.**

**"In here," Charlie called.**

**I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.**

**Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was normal for my father. Not so much for Edward.**

**"Hi," I said weakly.**

**"Hey, Bella," my father answered, eyes never moving. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."**

**"Okay."**

**I waited in the doorway. Finally, Edward looked over at me with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you," he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV.**

**I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. I escaped to the kitchen.**

**The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized.**

**The sounds of male bonding and banter continued from the TV set.**

**I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself.**

**What's the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right.**

**Okay, I thought again, what's the worst I can live through? I didn't like that question so much, either.**

I forced my voice to remain steady through that last paragraph. She knew. She may not have consciously acknowledged it, but she knew. I could tell. And I was beginning to think that it was far more painful for her than I had thought.

My mind flashed back to a part of the original note attached to the book. “ _Also, there’s one more thing. I have to warn you that this book contains intense amounts of pain and depression._ ” My eyes widened slightly, but I forced myself to keep going. Yes, this was going to be painful. Very painful.

**But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today.**

**Staying away from Edward's family. Of course, he wouldn't expect Alice to be part of that. But if Jasper was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself—I could live with that.**

**Or going away. Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year, maybe it would have to be now.**

I drew in a sharp breath. She never even considered the possibility of him leaving. The worst thing that she could live through that she could imagine would be staying away from us…

 **In front of me, on the table, my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I had left them, the camera** **I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullens' sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Renee. Somehow, living without her for as long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Charlie would be left all alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt…**

**But we'd come back, right? We'd visit, of course, wouldn't we?**

**I couldn't be certain about the answer to that.**

**I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents' love. I'd known this path I'd chosen was going to be hard. And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case scenario—the very worst I could live through.**

**I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn't a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge to get started. Maybe I didn't have that long left in Forks.**

**I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture on the roll. Could it possibly turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it. But he didn't seem worried that it would be blank. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night.**

**The chuckle died away. So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high.**

**I didn't want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the camera and headed up the stairs.**

**My room hadn't really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my mother had been here. The walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed, rather than a crib, but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top—it had been a gift from Gran.**

**Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn't much else I could do tonight—it was too dark outside—and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now. I would record everything about Forks before I had to leave it.**

**Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was.**

**I took my time coming back down the stairs, camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Edward's eyes. He would get over this.**

**Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave. I would let him work through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked.**

**I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that I had caught Edward by surprise, but he didn't look up. I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.**

**They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward's face was empty, expressionless.**

**"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.**

**"Oh, come on." I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie lounged. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."**

**"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.**

**"Because you're so handsome," I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."**

**He mumbled something unintelligible.**

**"Hey, Edward," I said with admirable indifference. "Take one of me and my dad together."**

**I threw the camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie's face was. Charlie sighed.**

**"You need to smile, Bella," Edward murmured.**

**I did my best, and the camera flashed.**

**"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus from himself.**

**Edward stood and lightly tossed him the camera.**

**I went to stand beside Edward, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his face, but I was afraid to.**

**"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded me again.**

**I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me.**

**"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said then, shoving the camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling over it. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."**

**Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm. He sat back down in the armchair.**

**I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing.**

**When the show ended, I hadn't moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand.**

**"I'd better get home," he said.**

**Charlie didn't look up from the commercial. "See ya."**

**I got awkwardly to my feet—I was stiff from sitting so still—and followed Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car.**

**"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.**

**I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.**

**"Not tonight."**

**I didn't ask for a reason.**

**He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, unmoving. I barely noticed that it was raining. I waited, without knowing what I waited for, until the door opened behind me.**

**"Bella, what are you doing?" Charlie asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping.**

**"Nothing." I turned and trudged back to the house.**

**It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.**

**I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for school mechanically, waiting for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Charlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to. I realized I would miss this—the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it.**

**I put the camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night**

**Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. How long could this last?**

**It lasted through the morning. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me. I tried to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered the correct answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me.**

**At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment, so, to distract myself, I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica.**

**"Hey, Jess?"**

**"What's up, Bella?"**

**"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, reaching into my bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?"**

**I handed her the camera.**

**"Sure," she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full. A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish.**

**Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today.**

**"Uh-oh," Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera. "I think we used all your film."**

**"That's okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."**

**After school, Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence. I had to work again, and for once, I was glad. Time with me obviously wasn't helping things. Maybe time alone would be better.**

**I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton's, and then picked up the developed pictures after work. At home, I said a brief hi to Charlie, grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen, and hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm.**

**I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity. Ridiculously, I still half expected the first print to be a blank.**

**When I pulled it out, I gasped aloud. Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.**

**I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once, and then laid three of them out on the bed side by side.**

**The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen, his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement. The second was Edward and Charlie, watching ESPN. The difference in Edward's expression was severe.**

**His eyes were careful here, reserved. Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like a sculpture, less alive.**

I glanced at Edward, now. He appeared pained (as usual), but there was something else… Guilt. Shame… I didn’t know what that was about but I was going to find out soon, and I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to like it. At all. I narrowed my eyes at him.

**The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side. Edward's face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust.**

I shook my head in disbelief. “She really has terrible self-esteem, doesn’t she?” I asked incredulously. Did she really not see it? Even I, admittedly a very vain person, could see how beautiful that she was, even if I hadn’t accepted her the way I should have.

“Yeah,” Alice agreed sadly, nodding. I shook my head. No one should see themselves like that. It wasn’t right.

**Instead of doing my homework, I stayed up to put my pictures into the album.**

**With a ballpoint pen I scrawled captions under all the pictures, the names and the dates. I got to the picture of Edward and me, and, without looking at it too long, I folded it in half and stuck it under the metal tab, Edward-side up.**

_Of course…_

**When I was done, I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and penned a long thank-you letter to Renee.**

**Edward still hadn't come over. I didn't want to admit that he was the reason I'd stayed up so late, but of course he was. I tried to remember the last time he'd stayed away like this, without an excuse, a phone call… He never had.**

**Again, I didn't sleep well.**

**School followed the silent, frustrating, terrifying pattern of the last two days. I felt relief when I saw Edward waiting for me in the parking lot, but it faded quickly. He was no different, unless maybe more remote.**

**It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess. My birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Alice would come back. Soon. Before this got any more out of hand.**

Alice frowned. “I wish that I could have been there for you, Bella,” she whispered and Edward hissed.

“You know that we had to leave, Alice,” he said, managing to sound furious and pained at the same time.

I growled at him. “Don’t you dare put that on my sister! You made the decision to leave, and you forced the rest of us to come with you! So, don’t you dare speak that way to Alice!” I hissed, feeling Emmett wrap an arm around my shoulders. I relaxed into his side and glared at Edward one more time before I went back to the book.

**But I couldn't count on that. I decided that, if I couldn't talk to him today, really talk, then I was going to see Carlisle tomorrow. I had to do something.**

**After school, Edward and I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses.**

**He walked me to my truck, and I steeled myself to make my demands.**

**"Do you mind if I come over today?" he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.**

**"Of course not."**

**"Now?" he asked again, opening my door for me.**

**"Sure," I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."**

**He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat. Suddenly, he reached over me and snagged it.**

**"I'll do it," he said quietly. "And I'll still beat you there." He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn't reach his eyes.**

**"Okay," I agreed, unable to smile back. He shut the door, and headed toward his car.**

**He did beat me home. He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then.**

**I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.**

**He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, and came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.**

**"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.**

“What?” Jasper asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

Edward shook his head and didn’t respond. “Keep reading, Rose,” he said quietly. I eyed him suspiciously but kept going.

**I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.**

**But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached.**

“You took her into the forest?!” Alice and I yelled at the same time and he looked down but didn’t respond. I felt disgust and anger welling up inside of me.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled; still he didn’t move.

“I don’t know,” he whispered. I stared at him in disgust for a moment before I sighed and looked back at the book, leaning into Emmett.

“Shh… I’m here, babe,” he murmured in my ear and I calmed, giving him a grateful glance.

**I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?**

**We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail—I could still see the house.**

**Some walk.**

**Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.**

**"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.**

**He took a deep breath.**

**"Bella, we're leaving."**

**I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.**

“Not the way that you think, Bella,” Alice whispered brokenly.

**"Why now? Another year—"**

**"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."**

“Edward!” Carlisle snapped. That surprised me. Carlisle was hardly ever bad-tempered, but these circumstances certainly called for it. “Do not use me as an excuse,” he said sternly and Edward just nodded, looking pathetic. I had a feeling it got much, much worse than him using Carlisle as an excuse to leave…

**His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.**

**He stared back coldly.**

**With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.**

**"When you say we—," I whispered.**

**"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.**

**I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.**

**"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."**

**"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."**

I froze when I read that, and so did everyone else. “What are you doing, Edward?” Esme breathed, but the coward wouldn’t answer her. I took a deep (unneeded) breath.

**"Where you are is the right place for me."**

**"I'm no good for you, Bella."**

**"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."**

**"My world is not for you," he said grimly.**

“You’re wrong. If anyone, Bella was born for this life. Everything that I know about her points to that conclusion. Don’t you dare argue with me right now, Edward,” Carlisle told him firmly. As much as I may hate it, even I couldn’t argue with that statement. As much as it pained me, Isabella Swan was born to be a vampire.

Edward flinched at my thoughts. Good.

**"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"**

**"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."**

**"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"**

**"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.**

**"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me—somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"**

“How can you do this to her – to my little sister? She’s willing to give up _her soul_ for you, and you leave her,” Emmett hissed from my side and Edward glared at him.

“It’s my decision,” he hissed back.

“No!” I had been prepared to intervene but it wasn’t me that interrupted. It was Esme; I was shocked. “It was her decision, Edward. It was Bella’s life, and it should have been her decision,” Esme said heatedly before taking a deep breath and turning to me. “Keep going, Rose,” she said hesitantly. I smiled a little. I could see how hard this was for her. She had to leave her youngest daughter behind, and Esme was nothing if not a loving mother so that had to cut her to quick. I did as she said and kept reading.

**He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment.**

**His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder—like the liquid gold had frozen solid.**

**"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."**

We all froze and I felt rage well up inside of me, but none of us said anything. We could feel it, now. It was about to get worse and we didn’t have any words for this. Not yet.

**He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.**

**There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.**

**"You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.**

**"No."**

My family and I hissed. What?!

“What the hell are you doing, Edward?!” – Jasper.

“Edward!” – Carlisle and Esme.

“You lied to her?!” – Alice.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing telling my little sister that you don’t want her?!” – Emmett

“Do you have any idea what that would do to her – did do to her?!” I screeched. We all yelled at the same time. How dare he do that to her?! She already had basically no self-esteem! And then he goes and tells her that he doesn’t want her?! What the fuck is the matter with him?!

I growled but took a deep breath and realized that I hadn’t been paying attention. When I looked up, Emmett had Edward by the throat and was holding him off the ground and against the wall. I snarled but ran over and grabbed my mate’s arm.

“Enough, Emmett. We can deal with _him_ later. I want to know what happened next!” I spat at Edward when I was done before Emmett and I took our seats.

I could see the fury in my father-figure’s eyes but he kept his voice even when he spoke. “We are all extremely angered by this, but in the interest of fully assessing Bella’s condition, no one will move from their seats until we have finished this chapter,” Carlisle said lowly and we all nodded reluctantly. I wanted to know how Bella was, but I also wanted to rip Edward apart.

I took a deep breath. Here we go…

**I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz—hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.**

**"Well, that changes things."**

**I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.**

**He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way.** **But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."**

**"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."**

**He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.**

**"You're not good for me, Bella."**

**He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.**

I clenched my jaw shut after I forced those words out. Damn it, Edward! This was destroying her. Every word was destroying her…

**I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.**

**"If… that's what you want."**

**He nodded once.**

**My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.**

**"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.**

_You have no right to ask anything of her!_ I snarled in my thoughts and, from the looks on their faces, the rest of my family were having similar thoughts. I was glad. He deserved it. He deserved every bit of it!

**I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.**

**"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.**

**As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.**

**"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached.**

**"Do you understand what I'm saying?"**

**I nodded helplessly.**

**His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him."**

**I nodded again. "I will," I whispered.**

**He seemed to relax just a little.**

**"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."**

Ha! My mental laugh was completely and utterly humorless. As if he never existed… A promise broken as soon as it was made…

**My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.**

**He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."**

I could feel the same anger that I now saw in Esme’s eyes reflected in my own. He was wrong. Time didn’t heal all wounds, not even for humans. I had to force myself to continue.

**"And your memories?" I asked.**

**It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.**

**"Well"—he hesitated for a short second—"I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted."** **He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.**

**He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."**

**The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.**

**"Alice isn't coming back," I realized. I don't know how he heard me—the words made no sound—but he seemed to understand.**

**He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.**

**"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."**

**"Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.**

“I’m sorry, Bella, I’m so sorry. So sorry…” Alice chanted remorsefully, looking as though she would break out into dry sobs any second – just like the rest of us.

**"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you.**

**I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. You can see it's a clean break, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.**

**I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.**

**"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.**

**"Wait!" I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.**

**I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant.** **My eyes closed.**

**"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin.**

**There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.**

**He was gone.**

One small snarl escaped from my chest. Damn it! My entire body was tense and I was barely containing the dry sobs that fought to break free. Alice and Esme were already sobbing lightly, but I knew it was still going to get worse…

**With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.**

**Love, life, meaning… over.**

My breathing hitched and the words burned in my mouth. I could feel the pain of it, just from reading the words. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to actually experience it. It would be unbearable…

**I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.**

**Finally, I tripped over something—it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot—and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.**

**As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.**

**Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight—a lunar eclipse, a new moon.**

I inhaled sharply. Of course… The title of the book. This was Bella’s darkest hour… This entire book was her most painful time… Oh, God…

**A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.**

**It was black for a long time before I heard them calling.**

**Someone was shouting my name. It was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn't recognize the voice. I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I should answer. By then, the calling had stopped.**

**Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.**

**The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.**

Emmett took a shaky breath at my side. “She has to get up,” he said pleadingly and Carlisle answered him in a faint voice.

“I don’t think that she can. The sheer trauma of it…” his voice trailed off painfully, but I knew what he meant. The pain and shock of it wouldn’t allow her to get up. It just wasn’t possible.

**It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?**

**Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big.**

**I wondered if I should feel afraid.**

**I didn't—just numb. It didn't matter.**

I clenched my jaw shut. I knew that feeling. I knew that feeling all too well…

**The snuffling went away.**

**The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.**

**At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see—the brightness blinded me for a moment.**

**"Bella."**

**The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.**

**I stared up—impossibly high it seemed—at the dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.**

**"Have you been hurt?"**

**I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?**

**"Bella, my name is Sam Uley."**

Sam Uley… I hissed mentally. A Quileute.

**There was nothing familiar about his name.**

**"Charlie sent me to look for you."**

**Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Charlie mattered, if nothing else did.**

Esme whimpered quietly at that. “She doesn’t care about anything anymore… Nothing except Charlie…”  The words were so faint that I could barely hear them. I knew what she was thinking of because I was thinking the exact same thing.

Would that be enough? Would Charlie be enough reason for her to go on living? I could only hope that it was…

**The tall man held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do.**

**His black eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a quick and supple notion, he pulled me up from the ground and into his arms.**

**I hung there, limp, as he loped swiftly through the wet forest. Some part of me knew this should upset me—being carried away by a stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset.**

**It didn't seem like too much time passed before there were lights and the deep babble of many male voices. Sam Uley slowed as he approached the commotion.**

**"I've got her!" he called in a booming voice.**

**The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Sam's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.**

**"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying 'He's gone.' "**

**Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip.**

**"Bella, honey, are you all right?”**

**That was one voice I would know anywhere—even distorted, as it was now, with worry.**

**"Charlie?" My voice sounded strange and small.**

**"I'm right here, baby."**

**There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad's sheriff jacket. Charlie staggered under my weight.**

**"Maybe I should hold on to her," Sam Uley suggested.**

Esme shook her head. “He needs to do it…” she murmured.

**"I've got her," Charlie said, a little breathless.**

**He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let me walk, but I couldn't find my voice.**

**There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession.**

**I closed my eyes.**

**"We're almost home now, honey," Charlie mumbled now and then.**

**I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall dark man named Sam was holding the door for Charlie, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Charlie's arms failed.**

**But Charlie managed to get me through the door and to the couch in the living room.**

**"Dad, I'm all wet," I objected feebly.**

Edward – whose presence I had almost (thankfully and gladly) forgotten – let out a strangled cry at that. “Of course you would worry about that…” I didn’t acknowledge him. He didn’t deserve it.

**"That doesn't matter." His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone else. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs."**

**"Bella?" a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and recognition came after a few slow seconds.**

**"Dr. Gerandy?" I mumbled.**

**"That's right, dear," he said. "Are you hurt, Bella?”**

**It took me a minute to think that through. I was confused by the memory of Sam Uley's similar question in the woods. Only Sam had asked something else: Have you been hurt? he'd said. The difference seemed significant somehow.**

**Dr. Gerandy was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened.**

**"I'm not hurt," I lied. The words, were true enough for what he'd asked.**

**His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.**

**"What happened to you?" he asked casually.**

**I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat.**

**"Did you get lost in the woods?" he prodded. I was aware of several other people listening. Three tall men with dark faces—from La Push, the Quileute Indian reservation down on the coastline, I guessed—Sam Uley among them, were standing very close together and staring at me. Mr. Newton was there with Mike and Mr. Weber, Angela's father; they all were watching me more surreptitiously than the strangers. Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.**

**Charlie was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer.**

**"Yes," I whispered. "I got lost."**

**The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glands under my jaw. Charlie's face hardened.**

**"Do you feel tired?" Dr. Gerandy asked.**

**I nodded and closed my eyes obediently.**

**"I don't think there's anything wrong with her," I heard the doctor mutter to Charlie after a moment. "Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off, and I'll come check on her tomorrow," he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he added, "Well, later today actually."**

I choked the last sentence out. “She was out there all night?” I asked no one, horrified. We all exchanged glances full of horror, pain, regret…

**There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their feet.**

**"Is it true?" Charlie whispered. Their voices were farther away now. I strained to hear. "Did they leave?"**

**"Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything," Dr. Gerandy answered. "The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn't want to make a big production out of leaving."**

**"A little warning might have been nice," Charlie grumbled.**

**Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in this situation, some warning might have been called for."**

**I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear.**

**I drifted in and out of alertness. I heard Charlie whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left.**

**I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.**

**"Yeah, we found her. She's okay. She got lost. She's fine now," he said again and again.**

I snorted. No, she most certainly was not “fine, now.”

**I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night.**

**A few minutes later, the phone rang again.**

**Charlie moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen I pulled my head deeper under the blankets, not wanting to listen to the same conversation again.**

**"Yeah," Charlie said, and yawned.**

**His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again.**

**"Where?'" There was a pause. "You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another short pause. "But what could be burning out there?"**

**He sounded both worried and mystified. "Look, I'll call down there and check it out."**

**I listened with more interest as he punched in a number.**

**"Hey, Billy, it's Charlie—sorry I'm calling so early… no, she's fine. She's sleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really… Oh!"**

**Suddenly there was an edge in his voice—irritation… or anger. "And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?" He said it sarcastically.**

**"Well, don't apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don't spread… I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in this weather."**

**Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly. "Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right—they do know the forest better than we do.** **It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one…** **Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.**

**Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the**

**living room.**

**"What's wrong?" I asked.**

**He hurried to my side.**

**"I'm sorry I woke you, honey."**

**"Is something burning?"**

**"It's nothing," he assured me. "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs."**

**"Bonfires?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead.**

**Charlie frowned. "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy," he explained.**

**"Why?" I wondered dully.**

**I could tell he didn't want to answer. He looked at the floor under his knees. "They're celebrating the news." His tone was bitter.**

Usually, I would make a snide comment about the dogs, but… I just didn’t have it in me right now. I held tighter to Emmett with the arm I wasn’t using to hold the book up.

**There was only one piece of news I could think of, try as I might not to. And then the pieces snapped together. "Because the Cullens left," I whispered. "They don't like the Cullens in La Push—I'd forgotten about that."**

**The Quileutes had their superstitions about the "cold ones," the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Charlie's good friend Billy Black believed, though even Jacob, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Billy had warned me to stay away from the Cullens…**

**The name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way toward the surface, something I knew I didn't want to face.**

Alice’s sobs grew louder when I read the last sentence. “S-She c-can’t even s-say our last name!” she stuttered out. No one said anything. We didn’t have it in us. By now the arrogant jackass that caused all of this was curled up on the floor, sobbing but still listening I could tell. It was all his fault, I thought venomously as my own tearless sobs fought to break free.

**"It's ridiculous," Charlie spluttered.**

**We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window. Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise.**

**"Bella?" Charlie asked.**

**I looked at him uneasily.**

**"He left you alone in the woods?" Charlie guessed.**

**I deflected his question. "How did you know where to find me?" My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now.**

**"Your note," Charlie answered, surprised.**

“Note?” Jasper asked sharply, not asking for an answer – demanding one.

“I left a note in her hand writing, so that Charlie would know where she was,” Edward whispered, barely audible. I snorted quietly. That was the only thing he did right in this whole book, as far as I was concerned.

**He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own.**

**_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, it said. Back soon, B._ **

**"When you didn't come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered," Charlie said in a low voice.**

**"Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone."**

**"Where did they go?" I mumbled.**

**He stared at me. "Didn't Edward tell you?"**

**I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me—a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.**

Edward stopped breathing at that, moving to sit up against the couch and staring at me in desperation and horror. I didn’t respond to his unspoken need for comfort, reassurance, denial…

**Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him."**

**Sunny L.A. The last place they would really go. I remembered my nightmare with the mirror… the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin—**

**Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face.**

**"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Charlie insisted.**

**His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him."**

“Oh, my God… She’s still defending you,” I barely breathed the words, which were saturated in dismay and grief.

**Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room."**

**Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.**

**Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.**

**Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open.**

**It was empty.**

**The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I'd put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.**

**I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom: Edward Cullen,** **Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13th.**

**I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough.**

**It will be as if I'd never existed, he'd promised me.**

**I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness.**

**The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.**

**I did not resurface.**

The book dropped from my hands. “What did you do?” I asked _him_ in revulsion.

We were all silent for a long moment. There was nothing that we could say. I’m sure that we would all, except for Carlisle and Esme, love to kill the bastard right now. But Bella loved him, and that was the only thing preserving his worthless existence right now.

Bella…

I didn’t know how he could possibly be so moronic and heartless as to tell her that he didn’t want her. The most self-critical girl in the world, who already believed that she didn’t deserve him, who never doubted him for a second until  he came out and spoke the words she always feared, and he told her that he didn’t want her, didn’t love her anymore…

I knew what this would do to her. Her whole world had been shattered when he spoke those vile words, and I had felt what that was like. But I had become a vampire immediately afterwards and I had Carlisle, Esme, and… _him_ to help me. Who did she have? She was alone. She was alone and she was going to feel like she was worth nothing, like it was absolutely pointless, that it was her fault, that she caused it… And it was all his fault:

He was lucky to be alive right now.

Eventually, Carlisle cleared his throat to speak and the sobs that came from around the room – including mine although I didn’t remember when I had finally started sobbing – finally stopped and we all looked to our leader.

“I can understand the extreme animosity towards Edward right now,” he began in a voice that was even but rang with an undercurrent of fury. “However, he is not to be harmed. Bella loves him and we do not have the right to punish him. That right belongs to her alone. Now, we are going to read one more chapter and then we are going hunting. Am I understood?” Carlisle asked quietly and, although we didn’t like that we couldn’t hurt the jackass, we all nodded in agreement.

“Very well, then. Who would like to read next?” Carlisle asked.

Esme took a deep breath. “I will,” she said softly and I got up, crossing to her and handing her the book.

She took it from me and I was about to sit back down, but instead I leaned forward and pulled my “mother” into a hug. I would usually never do something like this, but… I needed it, and so did she.

After a moment, we both pulled back. Esme gave me a soft, sad smile and reached up to push a lock of my hair out of my face before I went and sat next to Emmett. We kissed quickly but still passionately, communicating our mutual anger and distress before we settled onto the couch together.

_Here we go again…_


End file.
